I'm Longing for the Fire That You Bring
by princessblair
Summary: That slow burn that you feel in your stomach whenever you feel contented or happy- she's been missing that even though he's right beside her. Submission for the EreMika week day 4:warmth!


Hi! Before we start, let me warn you this is probably one of the saddest thing I've ever wrote- and that's kinda saying something since I usually kill off the characters in my fics. So, if you don't want the feels, it's better not to continue. Anyway this is my submission for the eremika week day 4 *warmth*. Please leave a review- you guys don't know how much they mean to me (I dance whenever I get one). Again, as I always say, enjoy!

P.S. I recommend listening to "I See Fire" by Ed Sheeran- this song was one of my inspirations while writing this.

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"Eren close your mouth while chewing." Mikasa lightly scolded the boy next to her. It hasn't really bothered her before but now that she came close to losing him she had been nitpicking at him over the simplest of things. She had softly reminded him that he didn't bother brushing his hair and that she grabbed him over to her room to attempt to tame his hair that was probably as stubborn as him, but he doesn't fight her on it. He might have been as traumatized with the events as he rarely fought with her over her coddling.

She had requested Corporal Levi to excuse Eren from the usual extensive training, at first he looked at her oddly but then with a pointed look from Commander Smith he wordlessly nodded his head. Ever since Eren came back from his 3 month expedition, people had been more understanding of her and him. She doesn't take this for granted, it gives her a sense of relief that people can respect their space now and that people tend to stray away from her-and Eren. Armin was a different matter altogether, he would usually throw her some sympathetic glances that confuse her to no end. She doesn't know why he would pity her, she has Eren back and that's all that really matters to her.

She wasn't however, excused from training, she would usually train in silence, with the occasional sparring partner that the Corporal would throw her way, she doesn't mind. Eren would sit next to the tree, always near where she would train and he would always send her a smile of encouragement. It always works as she would soak up the attention and just revel in it. She trains even harder.

The nights before Eren's expedition were usually unforgiving. She would always long for the warmth that only he can provide and being separated by walls didn't allow her to experience it. When they were younger, they would always cuddle together when the cold became unbearable- they talked till their eyes dropped but she would always watch him sleep before her so that she would witness his passionate face turn into a peaceful slumber. Now that he was back, she didn't want to long for the feeling as she would always guide him back to her bunkers (Annie used to be her roommate) and they would cuddle just like the old times. She would note though, that he was unusually cold than before but the mere presence of him was enough to cloud her thoughts and let her enter a dreamless sleep.

The sun rays had woken Mikasa up when they kissed her face. She groggily rubbed her eyes to try to wipe the usual tiredness she feels whenever she wakes up. She pats the space beside her only to be met with a cold void. Her eyes dart, suddenly alert of the surroundings. A rush of panic surges throughout her body. "Eren?" She attempts to coax him; she doesn't expect a reply, though- her eyes furiously scouting the room for his figure. She hastily throws the covers off her frame- convinced that he wasn't anywhere in sight, dresses up quickly for the day so that she can search for Eren. She doesn't forget her red scarf, although she doesn't wrap it around her neck- she would find Eren and he could do that himself. She grabs her scarf and hurries over to Armin's room, it would be logical to search there since they're close. With a huff she tentatively knocks on Armin's door.

Several knocks after, a sleepy Armin greets her- attempting to look awake but miserably failing. "Mikasa? Whu iss it?" He wheezes through shallow yawns, stifling them in another botched attempt to look alive. He shifts on his feet to lean over the door frame, looking for a comfortable position. Once he found one, his begin to droop but he stops it with a quick effort to wipe the bleariness he felt. She regrets her decision to start her search here but the fleeting thought goes by unnoticed when she reminded herself that Eren is missing. "Sorry I woke you up; it's just that I can't find Eren this morning. Do you know where he is?" His eyes that we're previously glazed with dreams were now shooting her glances of sympathy. It slightly irritates her whenever this happens (and trust her, it happens a lot lately.) her forehead furrows subconsciously. Armin attempts to grab one of her hands but was quickly rejected by the way Mikasa snatched her hand from him, hissing as if he burned her. Her irritation has now turned to anger etched on her face that she completely misses the brief hurt that passed in Armin's face. "Don't touch me." She said, it was rather very calm the way she said it- Armin can compare it to the calm before storm. "Look, Mikasa-" She covered his mouth, interrupting his speech with the hand he had previously tried to grab. "I want to know where Eren is." Her tone was border lining murderous. He sighed in defeat he slouched his shoulders and held on the door knob. "Fine, just give me a minute to get ready."

"Okay, thanks."

Mikasa heard the soft click of Armin's door. She could hear him shuffling behind it, probably trying to get dressed and whatever it is Armin did. Frankly, she didn't care at the moment. Her thoughts quickly transitioned to when Eren had been on his 3 month Expedition. She can almost compare the way she was feeling now to before, except back then she didn't have the slightest clue if he was safe. She felt extremely agitated, to the point that whenever she would hear a door opening she would immediately turn her head to check if it was Eren. She didn't bother to take care of herself, either. Jean would always need to remind her to eat, if he was lucky she could take five bites- if he wasn't, she would go for days without eating anything. She would train almost zombie-like, the Corporal would always take a jab at this, but instead of trying harder, she would often stare into space- thoughts already drifting to Eren. Then there were days that she can testify that she was on the edge of madness. She would laugh at jokes he used to make often earning her strange looks from her comrades then there were moments that she would just let her tears fall from the pain of it all. Those were the bad days. Her musings were interrupted when she heard the light creak of the door as Armin came out.

"Let's go." He said and she simply nodded.

The walk was a silent one, she was too busy worrying over Eren for her to notice if it was a comfortable silence or not. She frequently bit her lips to stop herself from think too much- since, let's face it she usually does. She notices, however that the hallway they were walking in was a familiar one. "Armin?" The blonde boy doesn't stop walking; he just gave her a slight glance. "Why are we heading to Squad Leader Hanji's office?" Her thoughts instantly went to overdrive. Was Eren okay? Was Hanji experimenting on him? "No, she's not experimenting on him, yes- he's okay. I can almost hear your thoughts with just your face Mikasa." Her eyebrows furrow in confusion and a little bit of indignation. She doesn't question any further, opting to just follow Armin- she trusts him anyway.

Armin gave a slight knock at Hanji's door. Her perky face popped up in an instant and she ushered them both in her office. She pushes Mikasa on a wooden chair, as the same for Armin but his face wasn't showing displeasure and confusion as hers does. "Eren's not here." She stated. She can almost feel her anger simmering with the betrayal. Armin shoots her a side-long glance as he quickly tried to pacify her. "Ah Squad Leader Hanji-" Armin began. "None of that, I told you a million times call me Hanji." She waved her hand to dispel the tense aura. Armin kept on giving her wary glances- almost as if he's nervous about something. Hanji was shuffling through her documents regarding them slightly through her glasses. "Ah, Hanji, its Mikasa- she's been having symptoms yesterday but I thought it would be fine but uh…" Armin trailed of, sending her another worried look. Her eyebrows rose significantly, what is Armin talking about? "She knocked on my door this morning looking for Eren." Hanji dropped her papers on her desk, looking up slowly to turn her gaze to Mikasa. "Yeah, so do you know where he is?" Mikasa pointedly ignored the two; she didn't know what they're talking about, nor does she particularly care- what she wanted however, was to find Eren as soon as possible.

She didn't appreciate it that the two ignored her as well, they had started rambling about relapses and danger that she took that as a sign to get up and continue her search somewhere else. She was surprised with Armin's agility and reflex as he was able to stop her and force her back on the chair. "Look, tell me what's going on." She wasn't answered. Armin continued to hold her down while Hanji was trying to search for something in her drawers. "Aha! Okay it will sting a bit but don't worry." Hanji held up a large syringe to her face and panic rose to Mikasa's face. The boy holding her down may have gotten better with his speed but his strength would never tantamount to hers; she had easily shoved him aside in her fear. She was held back again by two hands, this time both of them had trapped her for good. "Tell me what's going on!" She shouted but it was quickly drowned by another scream as she felt the needle prick her skin. "Mikasa, your hallucinations are getting worse we need to-" She wasn't able to catch the rest of what they were saying as her vision turned to black.

When she slipped on to consciousness she had been already transferred to the infirmary. She tried to rub her eyes but her hands were bound, as were her feet. She tried to pull on it but was met with resistance; they probably knew how strong she was. She examined her surroundings , she doesn't spot anyone, except for a brown haired boy. She breathed a sigh of relief when she recognized him as Eren, he was taking a nap on a chair beside her. She didn't have the heart to wake him, instead settled herself with watching him. It was short lived; Eren had woken up minutes after she did. He gave her a lopsided smile one that she returned with a sincere one. "Where have you been this morning?" She noticed that her scarf was now wrapped around her neck, the same way the boy in front of her did years ago. He didn't answer her but instead he leaned in closer to inspect her. They probably stared at each other for hours- she didn't know, nor does she notice. Armin entered the room and their trance was broken, she noticed Eren had gone back to taking a nap (probably uncomfortably on that hard chair). "Hey, how are you doing?" The blonde boy asked, grabbing another chair to sit on her other side. "I'm okay." Her reply was short. He nodded his head in understanding. "Do you remember anything before you blacked out, then?"

"No, not really." Her answer had Armin worry even more so than usual. "Mikasa, what I'm about to say… I need you to calm down." He looked at her bindings- they were starting to bruise by now. She was about to ask Eren to remove them but Armin continued. "The Eren you're seeing, he's not real." His statement made her angry; her thrashing shook her bed quite violently. "Mikasa, calm down." She didn't. "You need to listen to me; you have been experiencing hallucinations for a month now. Last week we thought you were okay already but you seemed to have relapsed yesterday." She couldn't take the lies anymore; she pulled harder and harder on her bindings as tears started to stream down her face. They were lies, right?

"Mikasa?" Armin tried to reach out but she whipped her body away not wanting to be touched. Hanji had promptly entered the room with another one of those needles she carries around. She gestured Armin to hold her down while she administer the sedatives.

"Look Mikasa, you're probably going to forget this again but… We're all hurt that we don't know where Eren is, but we can't lose you as well. Please get better." For the second time that day she had been forced to sleep.

When she woke up this time, she wasn't tied to the bed nor was she in the infirmary. She quickly recognized the room as her sleeping quarters and she let out a groan of relief, they probably brought her here. She was still in her white dress shirt and pants so she had to drag her feet to change, stopping slightly when she twirled the end of her scarf in her hands. She noticed Eren was already sleeping in her bed, it was bittersweet really. She moved to lie in her bed, feeling empty and dejected as before. He leaned into her warmth, she felt his cold breeze waft through her body, but she doesn't pull away. The moonlight gives her a better view of his sleep-ridden face, almost tempted to touch him but she stops herself from doing so. She doesn't know if her touches are safe. _'He might disappear' _she scolds herself. She let her eyes wander to his hair, they we're skewed from different angles already, just how she remembered. She wanted to see his eyes if they were the same shade of emerald that she gets lost in. His lips were curled into a slight grin, he was probably dreaming of the ocean. Feeling tired and drained, she was about to drift to sleep but a sudden rasping at her door prevented her from doing so. With a heavy sigh she opens her door.

"Mikasa?"

Her eyes widen at the sight before her. He was just like the boy who was sleeping in her bed right now, only he was more… _solid._ Solid and real looking.

"E-Eren?" She felt her tears drip silently, wondering why life was so cruel to her- that her hallucinations looked so real and felt so warm.


End file.
